Go Monk mode and discover the life you’ve ignored

What single men can gain if they took 180 days off women and dating

There’s a full life outside of the chase and sex ,LIVE IT

Olu Yomi Ososanya

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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

PREVIOUSLY ON : WHAT IF — I explored what 90 days would look like for women if

“What If for 90 days, men left women alone like women have been asking”

Yielded interesting responses from the ladies.

After over a decade on social media i’ve realised, too much of a young man’s life is consumed by pursuing, impressing, dating and attempting to keep a woman happy.

In his early 20s thats way too much time focusing on external factors.

While there are great benefits in marrying early like in yesteryear, the world is in a different place economically and socially.

Social media has skewered our perceptions and increased a lot of superficiality.

So what if for 180 days by a Thanos finger snap the part of man’s brain that sees and desires women for romance is switched off.

For those 180 days all single men on the planet see all women 100% platonically.

This means no dating, no dates, no sex, no kissing, no passionate hugs, no cuddling on a sofa, no romance, no flirting, no DM slides , no flowers, no gifts for 180 days.

Essentially, back to a pre-hormone/puberty stage

Everything else about all men remain the same. But women are seen as platonically as when he was 10 years old.

No woman expecting you to buy her a drink

No woman expecting you to pay her bills

No woman DM-ing at the end of the month to coincidently surreptitiously mention that her rent is due.

No woman using you for a free meal or to explore new restaurants then blocking your phone number and making a TikTok video on how to finesse men.

No woman calling you a creep because you glanced in her direction for 5 seconds because no matter how attractive, you’d be un-phased.

No listening to a 45 minute story which could be told in 7 minutes

No frustration of being told a problem and getting an attitude for providing a solution

All interactions with women would be civil but that extra effort put in when pursuing in a relationship doesn’t exist.

During these 180 days the men are unaware that anything has changed.

Only the women realise the men are moving different.

So what happens with all that time, focus and energy previously used to pursue relationships and sexual interactions?

REDIRECTED ENERGY — Single men would re-direct all that previous energy into their hobbies, side hustles, friendships, family, getting rest on a weekend, rather than chasing, flirting and going on dates which never lead to anything other than a free meal for her to post on the IG page

Some men build things, boats, cabins, restoring cars. Social media websites.

Some men have books in them they would write once they have more time and energy, once the distractions of fruitless romantic pursuits are eliminated

Those 180 days would produce a lot of artists, inventors and entrepreneurs whose energy was previously consumed elsewhere.

REDIRECTED RESOURCES — All the money previously spent on dates, gifts, buying drinks for strangers, spending money to impress women would go into: emergency funds, parents, siblings, retirement fund. Bonding & having fun with their buddies.

They’d have the resources for investments.

Able to switch jobs and some funds to tide them over.

More capital to invest in a hobby

The debates on Girlfriend salary/allowance on social media are endless.

Many women on various social media and video platforms make it on clear that they only see men as a means of financial subsidy.

Anytime with a man is first seen through where he’s taking her, how expensive is it and he must pay and tip generously.

Even the ones with good jobs cos “spending his money is sweeter”

No money,No Honey. No Finance No Romance

Thats why the words “broke” and “stingy” are thrown around so often because many say a man serves no purpose in her life if he isn’t taking bills off her hands and reducing her stress.

Many men have lost resources which could have bettered their lives, spending on women who only saw them as a financial beast of burden, occasionally rewarded with Sex, or with simps patted “good boy” on the head.

But discarded once the money tap slowed down. Just like a horse who can no longer pull carts

FOCUS ON BROTHERHOOD Men need male friends. Good healthy male friendships that have their back at all time.

It’s essential as a matter of life and death and i’m not being hyperbolic.

Key words being Good healthy

Many men lose friends unintentionally when they get into a relationship. Sometimes the women nags about hims spending too much time with his friends or complains that she doesn’t like or trust them(sometimes its just control) and thats how he negates them.

I lost a friend in college to his first serious relationship.

Every waking moment when he was not in a class or sleeping he was with her.

It was impossible to see him if you didn’t meet him early in the morning before he left the dorm or late at night after he’s back to the room. She became his world .

That friendship never recovered even a decade plus after college and he was devastated when she broke it off 4 years later because she “needed space” and wanted to see other people.

For most men when push comes to shove, financially or otherwise, with few exceptions its his male friends who come through for him.

Even some women turn to the men in their life (romantic or platonic) first for problem solving before , if ever asking female friends.

FOCUS ON HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DAD

Many people “fall in love” more accurately lust and infatuation and it consumes their life.

Like my friend from college they abandon everything to fixate on the object of their desire.

Other relationship tend to get a back seat.

During this period young men will have more time (and resources) for their parents and siblings. Family activities and connections become

Time with parents should be seen as investment. Because once they are gone, it’s all regret.

Create memories with his Father, Hang out with him as often as you can. Watching their favourite teams play. Sitting in the room in silence.

Running errands together. Fathers don’t talk about how much they appreciate these things but they do.

Ask him questions as if he wont be around in one year.

Ask his advice on any issue even if you already have the answers.

Ask him about what it was like growing up

Ask him advice he has for being a Father/Husband. Mistakes to avoid.

It shows appreciation for his experience and perspective.

As men get older and into their retirement years they have a lot of alone time and bandwidth to reflect on their choices.

A son intentionally spending time with him and seeking his counsel is a win-win for Father and Son.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

Use all these free time and energy to develop himself, physically, mentally and spiritually.

Read books by great writers, fiction and non-fiction; biographies, profiles, memoirs.

Go the gym or take up a sport you can play weekly with 4–5 other men.

Asides the health benefits it could be a great networking opportunity when new members enter the fold.

Spend time alone in silence and meditation. There is too much noise in this world especially in the era of social media where we are always connected.

MENTAL HEALTH

Endless dating is stressful. Keeping up the mind games. Guessing games. Leverage Games.

Having a woman who thinks the entirety of the relationship is for her benefit and everything about his waking hours, time and energy should be dedicated to keeping her happy.

With all that mental bandwidth freed up he has a lot less occupying his mind.

Is it any wonder men die something 10 to 30 years before their wife with all the financial strain and expectations, in addition to nagging, complaints, criticism, comparison ,endless pacifying, coddling, walking on eggshells etc

Those things age a man prematurely.

In the age of instagram and TikTok where its 100x easier to compare lives and achievements, it’s no wonder relationships have so much trouble.

These 180 days would do wonders as there are no demands to check out this restaurant or go on holiday like so and so ‘“Goals” couple.

No fights over why he didn’t pick her call on the first ring. Or took 10 minutes to answer her text.

No dealing with mood swings and stone walling

Reduced gaslighting and confusion, not knowing what he’s apologising for

90% of manufactured drama is eliminated

Higher chances on tranquility while at home

While men have their issues with loneliness. I think i speak for most men by saying peace and silence alone at home, is better than company with exhausting debates and fights.

CREATIVITY REVIVED

As boys before hormones/puberty kicked in and girls became fascinating instead of icky, boys built tree houses, fortresses and soap box derby cars.

Went on scavenger hunts, swam in rivers, went on mini adventures on the other side of town.

Constructed kites, catapults, bows and arrows, playing with science kits, building mini train sets, blowing up things and hunting etc

Boys not thinking about girls, were having fun exploring, creating and yes, destroying things through explosions of various kinds.

So as men this zest for life and adventure can return and their energy can re-directed, creativity revived.

So i don’t know how this narrative emerged that without women and sex to pursue, men would lose all drive and just sit around in filth doing nothing.

Propaganda perhaps?

FRIENDSHIP FILTRATION

This would also a period to know which friendships with women are genuine now he’s not doing favours or anything he normally wouldn’t do for a male friend.

When its 100% platonic it would filter out those who were parasitic.

There are many women who try to get emotional and logistical boyfriend benefits from their platonic male friends.

They expect him to do everything a boyfriend would do expect the physical intimacy and reciprocity.

Ask and expect favours from male friends they don’t ask or expect from female friends.

Outside of childhood and sometimes High School friends, few women have genuine friendships with men without trying to get more out of it.

They are as bad as they accuse men of being.

This would be the time to vet healthiest and genuine friendships with women.

The real ones would stay. The leeches would leave once they see their previous seduction and manipulation techniques to keep the relationship one-sided would adjust to the new status or leave.

Spiritual Life

During this period a Church going and Christian single man has a lot more time to spend in Bible study, prayer and meditation as he does not have a woman demanding every free second of his time and attention.

He may never get his level of freedom once he gets married as even the wives of Pastors sometimes indirectly begin to get envious and compete with his time studying scripture and praying.

He can spend hours in silence, then in study, then in prayer and not have to worry about neglecting anyone or get into an argument about why he didn’t pick up his phone or return a message immediately.

This period in immersion would also prepare him to be a better Father and Husband.

Build the fortitude for him to lead his family and know how to shield them from all the forces and influences the world will throw at them.

CONCLUSION

There are too many games played and masks worn by both sides while interacting

I know most people reading this will disagree with me but i believe Voluntary Celibacy can achieve most of these things for both sides.

The hyper-sexual culture since the sexual revolution, normalised promiscuity and transactional sexual dynamics.

It’s done more harm than good no matter how much cope we tell ourselves that its liberation and “living my best life”

When we genuinely care about each other as humans and not means of pleasure or gain.

When we stop seeing each other through the lens of selfish gain, whether that’s sex or money.

Masculinity has things to offer femininity and vice versa once we get the selfishness out of the way and are ready for mutual service.

A (responsible) man’s priorities change significantly when someone else is reliant on him.

The right woman brings out the very best in him because he is now laser focused on his role as a Husband and Father, leading, providing, protecting.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.- Proverbs 12:4

So choose WISELY.

Don’t let sex or looks alone be the selection criterion.

Some of the women who in the mid 90s were on Magazine covers as Sexiest Woman in the World.

Currently in their 50s, some are divorced and posting thirst traps on social media like they are college girls desperate for attention.

SEXY IS NOT ENOUGH

The social ecosystem needs both men and women, regardless of what militant feminists misandry propaganda or Red Pill rage and MGTOW tell us that we don’t.

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Olu Yomi Ososanya

Writing: the #DearNephew Letters to our young men. Focusing on Dignity, Accountability, Self optimisation & improvement