The Friend-zone is not Friendship. It’s a groupie and a Celebrity.
You’re not friends. You’re her Emotional Vibrator. Here’s why/how to escape that prison
Frank Sinatra said ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL. He’s right
Dear Nephew
So what or rather who is an Emotional Vibrator?
is a platonic person used on the ego to produce pleasurable validation attention and affection stimulation normally reserved for a romantic relationship.
This usually happens to men with no boundaries, an agreeable man like Clark who isn’t sexually aggressive or assertive by default, respect women and agree to be a listening ear whenever she calls or texts, let’s call her Lois.
Despite being in his late 20s Clark has a massive naive school boy crush on Lois. Lois knows this and also knows he’s too much of a gentlemen to be forceful so she sees him as harmless, like a rabbit.
Lois knows he will listen, be empathetic and validate her endlessly telling her she’s beautiful, amazing, deserves the best of life. Meanwhile Lois has a man in her life who satisfies the erm, other aspects but is emotionally distant or uninterested in any of the conversations she calls Clark to have.
Clark idealises Lois, she sees her as the perfect woman and thinks life works out life those movies where the scales will fall off Lois’s eyes and see him a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him.
But despite talking in private like he’s her soulmate, Lois avoids being seen in public with Clark, she doesn’t want anyone to have the impression they are a couple.
Now, Lois doesn’t owe Clark a relationship but it’s selfish to monopolise his time and getting emotional benefits from someone she knows she will never reciprocate.
He is an emotional vibrator, a tool she uses to pleasure herself privately, get her orgasm and keep back in the drawer till next time, vibrators are not carried around openly in public.
(He needs to work on himself, for himself. Set enforceable boundaries. Learn to identify and say “NO”, to users. But that’s a topic for another day)
The male equivalent is a guy we’ll call, Tyrone. Who calls and texts Shonda whenever he’s horny cos he knows she will say Yes even without a relationship or romance.
But Shonda is secretly hoping that if she keeps satisfying Tyrone, he will see that she cares for him and will make it a romantic relationship.
Lois and Tyrone are time thieves, stealing time their victims could be used to build a reciprocal relationship with someone who actually values them.
The sweetness and vulnerability Clark and Shonda after experiencing this more than once turns into putting up walls of China around themselves affecting future relationships.
They become cynical and suspicious and their loving partner says “he doesn’t open up” “she’s so guarded”
The funny thing? Lois and Tyrone can fall in love with someone else’s victim and wonder why their spouse has so many scars and is so hard to reach.
Frank Sinatra’s song “all or nothing at all” in the 4th verse goes
And if I fell under the spell of your call
I would be caught in the undertow
And so you see, I’ve got to say no, no
All or nothing at all
As much the Lois and Tyrones of this world are horrible users.
The Clarks’ and Shondas’ need to learn, when it comes to seeking a romantic relationship, all or nothing at all.
Apply this in ALL your relationships. Platonic, Business.
Make sure any relationship is not one way traffic that only benefits one side, that includes making sure you are not benefitting from someone who gets nothing from you.
Only parasites do that.
While you can give without expecting anything in return from casual relationships. Don’t be in a close relationship and take without giving back.
Be civil and respectful but know that selfish behaviour and users aren’t always visibly malicious.
They can have sweet smiles and voices ie Angel of light.
Make smart choices kiddo
Till next time
Your Uncle
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