Why her being hot is the bare minimum and you should stop settling for looks alone.
Dear Nephew,
Every neighbourhood had that girl-next-door every guy has a crush on, the prettiest girl who also happens to be sweet.
For millennial men there was also a TV crush Winnie Cooper from “The Wonder Years”, Kellie Kapowski and Lisa Turtle from “Saved by the Bell”, Topanga from “Boy meets World” and a host of TV characters in the 90s.
Many moons ago a friend dated the most beautiful girl in his neighbourhood.
We were all envious and told him what a lucky man he was and he shouldn’t mess this up.
I ran into her years later and due to stress, hormonal imbalance and I don’t know what else, all that beauty we lusted after was gone while still in the prime of her youth, neither of us was 30 yet.
This is not an indictment on her.
But us guys.
All our shallow, culture fuelled envy was solely based on her external beauty.
He was a “Lucky man” to us because of her beauty and not about anything based on substance.
Just like we see the picture of a beautiful woman in a wedding dressing an we say
“Who’s the lucky guy” without knowing anything about the woman’s character or personality.
The Halo effect is one heck of a drug isn’t it.
Men, we often make that mistake, partly biological, partly ego and partly peer-influenced, of chasing a woman solely based on her outward beauty. We take pride in being the man with a gorgeous babe who every other man wants to date and turns heads when she walks into a room.
But keep in mind, pride goes before fall.
Young Man. NEVER chase, pursue, go after, court a woman, SOLELY based on external appearance.
You will live to regret it. Don’t let your ego, hormones negate the key things like: character, Godliness, integrity and fruits of the spirit.
Do you think Johnny Depp cares about how beautiful or Sexy Amber Heard is any more or any self-respecting male who drooled over her image in magazines, movie or red carpet appearances years ago?
Keyword “self-respecting” male.
Did her beauty, sexiness hotness or excellence in the bedroom matter to him while being gaslit, verbally and physically abused, framed and demonized across media?
A slay queen will slay you emotionally, psychologically and financially.
This verse from The Bible comes to mind
Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised. — Proverbs 31:30
Yes, attraction matters. But don’t be hypnotised by it.
Don’t be anchored by it. The intoxication of lust and infatuation is a cocktail whose hangover can do you permanent damage.
Solely going after beauty. Making a choice ONLY based on a nice body and a great face could be like buying a display car at a showroom only to discover it’s a shell, no engine, no battery, no function.
A beautiful woman who rejects good sense is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.- Proverbs 11:22
You look nice in it for the gram. People will like your post and bombard your comment section with congratulations, envy and #goals.
But what they don't know.
It’s taking you nowhere, your wallet is lighter and you are stuck with an oversized paperweight.
As the great musical Philosopher, Fela said “suffering and smiling”.
I know a married man whose relationship looks great on social media; cute pictures, pet names, adorable child, the works.
The avatar of #relationshipgoals.
But I also know how regularly his wife undermines him in front of their workers, disregarding his instructions and countermanding him and embarrasses him publicly to the point of tears.
If that’s her public treatment of him what goes on when nobody else is around?
Do you think he’s happy he “did the right thing as a man” by marrying her solely cos he was stupid enough to get her pregnant out of wedlock?
A true lesson in the terrible paths lack of self-control of sexual urges will take you as a man.
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation and society doesn’t talk about it, because society doesn’t care about men’s pain.
It can’t be exploited into a billion dollar pharma, talkshow or therapy industry like a paying attention to a woman’s pain and suffering.
So as a man you have to make wise choices and take care of yourself.
Remember my friend I mentioned at the beginning?
Years later in our early 30s he was married to someone he met after that relationship ended and while catching up, he told me that the relationship which I had envied was full of strife and unnecessary conflict.
As great as they looked together in pictures, attending parties and hosting hangouts, the behind the scenes was like those beloved romcoms where you find out the two actors couldn’t stand each once the camera was off and that “chemistry” you saw on screen was just great acting.
Don’t be that statistic. Don’t get drunk on lust and infatuation. Use the head above your navel to do the thinking.
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